Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
