i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
