Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
