Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
