can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
