Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
