We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
