You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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