I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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