the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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