my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
