the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
