I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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