all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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