I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
