his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
