Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
