Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
