Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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