Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
