You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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