Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
