I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize