Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
