my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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