bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
