You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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