OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
