i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
