i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
