my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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