u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
