My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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