i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
