i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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