I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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