Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
