My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
