I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
