Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
