Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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