I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
