i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
