Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
