I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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