Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
