i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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