Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
