It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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