Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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