i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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