his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
