things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
