I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
