ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
