He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize