oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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