Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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