well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
