Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
