Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
