According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My feet surprised me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
