38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
