Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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