I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
