sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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