My cat gives me a boner
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
