i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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