sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
