well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
