I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my shit smells like andre
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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