I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize