the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
