Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
