The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
