It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
