I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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