I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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