haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Less talking, more tequila
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
