My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
