White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
