I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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