those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
