Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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