only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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