I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
