I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
