You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
