I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize