There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize