Your mouth is God's brothel.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
