i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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