yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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