that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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