I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
