Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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