just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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