but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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