I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
