Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
