I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
