She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
