Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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