And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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