I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
