just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
