Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
